Writing Wednesdays #6

I want to write a song called “You Don’t Get to Know Me”, so I Googled “How to Write a Song and I’m going to try to write a song tonight from this article that I found. Why this article and not another? This one popped up first. Yay, research.

So, I know the title and the article says that the most popular structure for a song is verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge (whatever that is), chorus. It also says that you should have questions about the title and to answer a question in each verse and one in the chorus.  Here’s what I have so far:

What are you?

Who are you?

When are you?

Who are you?

Where are you?

Who are you?

Yeah, I went with the reporter questions. I may switch out one of the verses with “why” or “how” if one of the other ones doesn’t work out. Okay, Step 5 is to “find the melody”, whatever that means, and to “choose the lines you like best for your chorus”. I haven’t written any lines. I guess I’ll do that now. Okay, I don’t know how to do that. Back to Google.

Okay, that wasn’t helpful either. I’m going to write a poem instead, and call it a song. Hold on, be right back…

You Don’t Get to Know Me

Like a bird without wings,
A cricket that never sings,
A lion with no teeth,
A daffodil among the heath.

You don’t get to know me,
You don’t get to know me,
I know some of you,
But you don’t get to know me.

Always three steps ahead,
Or seven steps behind,
I spent a decade in my bed,
The next one in my mind,

You don’t get to know me,
You don’t get to know me,
I know some of you,
But you don’t get to know me.

See me by the tree planning the spree,
I steal your lordly Chablis, I am beastly,
An absentminded amputee bumble bee,
Can’t you, can’t you, stop waiting for me,

You don’t get to know me,
You don’t get to know me,
I know some of you,
But you don’t get to know me.

Okay, there you go. I had to look up what a bridge was supposed to be and that’s as close as I can get. I don’t really know anything about music, but this would probably make a decent four-chord song. 🙂

I should probably address the fact that I haven’t updated this blog in almost a month.

Testy Tuesdays #3

I haven’t written in 3 days. I just got caught up on my past two blogs, don’t let the dates fool you. Today is actually Tuesday, though, and I haven’t written anything creative in 3 days. I’m not going to today, either.

I hate depression, I hate it. I hate it!

I have no words. I hate that it takes my words.

Oh, right, I forgot, I was going to change Tuesdays to crafting or something. I also remembered that I’m basically a Christopher Pike expert, too, although not so much a fan since I read one of his latest books, and it was set against the backdrop of the holocaust, as though frivolous teen horror novelists shouldn’t show more goddamn respect for one of humanity’s greatest atrocities. I guess that could fall under the topic of Writing Wednesdays, though…

See you tomorrow.

Sadness Saturdays #3

I have a cold. I took cold medication that a friend gave me the last time I was sick, and I guess it helped because even though I still had a drippy nose and such all day, it didn’t really catch up to me until a couple of hours ago.

I hate myself, but I don’t really want to talk about it. People don’t get it. They think I’m so nice and that I should love myself as much as they do. But if they were looking at me from the inside, out, they’d see how rotten I actually am.

And I know that’s not true. My genuine self, who I am when no one else is around, is still pretty nice, I mean, like, in my thoughts and stuff. I almost never wish anyone ill, I see the best in most people I meet, and I don’t even really want terrible things to happen to people I despise, even though I joke that I do, sometimes.

When I was 7-8, I had foster sister who was my official babysitter. Every day, after school, I would stand in the middle of her room (I slept there too, but it was Her Room.) and she would walk around me with a belt and make me list reasons she should hit me. I had to list 10 things, otherwise, it was an automatic 20 hits, but she would never let me stop at 10, so the game ended up being both pointless and demoralizing. Like, honestly, her anger and hatred were genuine, I could feel that. But she was also a cheater, and that I didn’t get. What can I say? Classic Libra.

I know that’s a terrible image, and you probably feel sorry for me or whatever, but that’s not why I’m sharing this. I’m sharing it so that you understand why I have such a hard time believing that I’m lovable. Oh, God, that sounds even worse. Stop feeling sorry for me.

I said, stop!

Whatever, feel however you need to. Moving on.

The point is, 80% of my social anxiety comes from the mental list that I’m constantly making when I’m interacting with someone. There are Very Few people that I can be around without making that list, and I have met all of them in the past few years — some of them in college, most of them at Flappers.

So although being accepted and loved is great, it’s new to me, and I still walk around feeling like a creep in super prickly, borrowed skin, most of the time. I have an especially hard time talking to people that I really like but that am afraid they’ll change their minds if they really get to know me. I try to limit my interactions with them. So that’s sad, I guess. Yay, I matched the theme.

Speaking of, I’m already thinking about changing the categories of this blog around. I realized that I have a day for social anxiety and a day for sadness and those are two negative emotions that are pretty closely related — and I remembered that I craft on Thursdays with my friends, and I constantly craft by myself, too, aside from drawing and writing. I knit, crochet, and make jewelry,  pretend candy, unicorn horns headbands, etc. So I think I’ll change one of the depressing blog days into a crafting blog day.  Stay tuned!

Blogging While Humaning

I’d love to have prepared something special for my first real blog post. I did a quick Google search and there were a lot of “not to-do” articles that I didn’t click on, but I did see one piece of advice that said, “share your expertise”. So that’s what I’m going to do.

I’m not an expert on anything but I am proficient in a lot of things:

  • sadness
  • anxiety
  • face blindness
  • Dan Fogelberg
  • writing
  • drawing
  • stand-up comedy

That’s seven things! So I’m going to dedicate one day of the week to each of these things and give the best tips I have for all of these subjects. If I become proficient at anything else,  I may have to change the format at some point, but we’ll start with these. Because this is my first official blog, I’m going to do the first week in one post and give a tip for each subject, so that you can judge from one post if I have any credibility on these subjects.

Minstrel Monday
Dan Fogelberg Fact: Dan Fogelberg had a boat named the Minstrel, therefore, Mondays have been nicknamed Minstrel Mondays!

Testy Tuesday
Okay, I couldn’t think of a word for anxiety that started with a “t” so we’re going with Testy Tuesdays. A tip for dealing with anxiety: Anxiety is about feeling out of control, so the best way to combat that is to pull your focus into what you can control, even if it’s something small. Write a one-page story (it doesn’t have to be good), draw a thing (it doesn’t have to be good), pick up your socks off the floor (leave the empty water bottles). If you’re focused on what you CAN do, you’re not focused on what you CAN’T control.

Writing Wednesday
This one was easy to name. This is something I did for my writing, recently:  I joined a Facebook writing group. It’s going well so far. Yes, there is the temptation to just play on the page instead of write. However, being able to see and talk to people for whom writing is also super important is very helpful.

Drawing Thursday
Yeah, I totally gave up on the alliteration for this one. A tip for drawing: start out crappy at it and get better by doing it crappily a lot. It’ll get gradually less crappy and before you know it, it’s actually kind of good.

Face-Blindness Friday
Again easy to name! Face blindness is called “prosopagnosia” and it is defined as, “Prosopagnosia is a neurological disorder characterized by the inability to recognize faces…Depending upon the degree of impairment, some people with prosopagnosia may only have difficulty recognizing a familiar face; others will be unable to discriminate between unknown faces, while still others may not even be able to distinguish a face as being different from an object.”* Tip for Dealing with a Face Blind Person: if you’ve met someone a few times and they still don’t recognize you, it may not be a lack of respect, it could be a neurological condition, so don’t get all butt hurt, just introduce yourself again.

Sadness Saturday
Ooh, my favorite! Honestly, I could make this every day, but what a bummer of a blog that would be. A tip for dealing with sadness: Google “I am sad” and see what pops up. Generally, it’s kittens. I like to Google my sadness away because it reminds me that it’s part of being human. Everyone deals with sadness, I am not a freak for feeling sad sometimes.

Stand-Up Sunday
The perfect follow-up to Sadness Saturday. I work at a comedy club, so I’ll probably spend Sundays reflecting on something I learned or saw that week, or a joke I heard, or something that pissed me off. This week, the Wednesday audition was really nice. We had like, four first timers (comedians new to the club) but in general, it was a low turnout, and mostly regulars. But before the audition, I asked David Dorward if he’d do one of my favorite bits. I requested one of my favorite Kimberly Clark bits from her, too, and then spent more time chatting with the few people who showed up than I usually do.

Usually, at auditions, the regulars get up and use it as an open mic with mixed results. But on Wednesday, David was one of our first regulars up, and he brought it. Kimberly did too, and so did all of our regulars. I think there were two things that happened yesterday: one, I showed an interest in the comics, rather than just checking them in, which made them feel special before they even got on stage. And second, even the comedians I didn’t chat with were jazzed and inspired by David and Kimberly and they all did their best, too.

David and Kimberly are two of my favorite comedians who drop by auditions regularly, and they always do well, but I think that going in knowing that they were not just watched but seen and heard, really helped. It COULD have backfired, and I won’t be doing that a lot, but my requests were spontaneous and genuine, and they responded to that. I think we all got to remind each other that we all love stand-up, which oddly enough, sometimes gets lost in the grinds and gears of comedy as a business.

* https://www.ninds.nih.gov/Disorders/All-Disorders/Prosopagnosia-Information-Page